I’m a mombie

mombie

mombie

“Sleep child… sleep”. The sentence echoes over and over again in my head as I restlessly wander around the bedroom with a baby in my arms, who’s eyes just wont shut….

“Sleep child… sleep”… my arms are tired, one is a sleep, my back hurts, my shoulders are tensed, and my neck; oh boy my neck.

I look at the huge bed with three sleeping bodies…. listen to their calm breath telling me they are fare away in the land of dreams. A tiny jab of jealousy finds it’s way to my heart…. I’m tired, SO very tired. I can barely keep my eyes open.

It’s 3 am…. I’ve been pacing the floor for 20 minutes, rocking the baby in my arms, not fully awake and yet not really sleeping….. I’m stuck in the limbo between extreme tiredness and insanity – this weird place where you often find yourself as a new mom. Where it sometimes feel like you are slowly desolving…. falling a part…. like a part of you have already left your body and is now observing you from the outside.

“Sleep child… sleep”…. I force my eyes open, fix my gaze at my shadow on the wall… slowly rocking side to side. It looks like at sad lonely dance.

Time pass and I hear the birds waking up outside the window… They tweet so eagerly…. morning is coming. The light from the rising sun finds it’s way to the room… “Sleep child… sleep”. It’s 4 am…

My body is flushed with a shot of adrenalin… it’s going into survival mood, making sure I won’t fall asleep and drop the baby. It leaves my brain bright and alert…. thoughts of the day to come starts popping up in my head. So many hours with so many needs to tend to, none of them my own, no chance of sleep. I take a deep breath, telling myself I’m gonna make it. I’ve been here before…

The tiny body in my arms feels heavier… I look down upon this miracle and can’t help smiling…. his eyes are closed and slowly I walk towards the bed almost holding my breath as I fear the tiniest movement will wake him up… slowly I lay down still holding him in my arms – he’ll sleep on my chest like many times before. I close my eyes and fall asleep….

An hour later he awakes again… the day begins….

Today I am a mombie

– Vicki

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